Lord of the Alchemy
by Triangular Prism
Summary: The epic quest of the ring has begun... but not with the characters you knew! Join Edward Elric on his journey to destroy the Philospher's Ring, if he wants to at all, aided by a host of the most unlikeliest castings... -On Hold-
1. The Prophecy

Hello there. I'm Triangular Prism. This'll be my first story here, I guess, so... enjoy ^^

Disclaimer: I do not own the work by Arina Tanemura or J.R.R. Tolkien, respectively. Only this crazy crossover.

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Chapter 0: The Prophecy

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_The world has changed: I feel it in the water, I feel it in the earth, I smell it in the air… _

_Much that once was is lost, for none now live to remember it._

_It began with the forging of the Great Rings._

_Three were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest...fairest of all beings._

_Seven to the Dwarf Lords, great miners and craftsman of the mountain halls._

_And Seven, seven were gifted to the— _

"Wait, what?"

"I thought there were nine of them!"

…_And Seven, seven were…_

"Don't ignore us!"

"Yes, it clearly says, 'And nine rings were given' in the book. What are we, being copped out here?"

_Due to the fact that there are only seven of a certain group of antagonists, nine has been shortened to seven, savvy? Now, anyways…_

"But it's not _fair!_"

"Just pull out some bad guys from the anime or someth—"

_LET ME FINISHED THE BLOODY PROLOGUE. Where was I? Ah yes—_

_And Seven, seven were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else, desire power._

_For within these rings was bound the strength and will to govern each race._

_But they were all of them deceived._

…_for another ring was made.  
_

_In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord… uh… 'Father' forged in secret a Master Ring, the Philosopher's Ring, to control all others._

_And into this Ring he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life._

_One Ring to rule them all…_

_One by one the Free lands of Middle Earth… Er, Amestris… Middle-Amestris… fell to the power of the Ring. But there were some who resisted. A last alliance of men and elves marched upon the black slopes in one great battle for the fate of mankind. (And elfkind, dwarfkind, all that.)_

_It was in a moment when all hope had faded, that Isildur Mustang—_

"Isildur _what?_"

"Shh!"

_It was then that Isildur Mustang, son of the king, took his father's sword, and cut the Ring from Father's hand. The Dark Lord fell, and was vanquished. Father had been defeated._

_Isildur had this one chance to destroy the ring, but succumbed to the ring's call… he kept it for many years, until the ring betrayed Isildur._

_And some things that should not have been forgotten…were lost._

_Story became myth. Myth passed into legend, and for two and a half thousand years the Ring passed out of all knowledge. Until by chance…_

"Hold it, hold it!"

_The Ring ensnared a new bearer: The creature called… Envy._

"I THOUGHT I WAS A RINGWRAITH?"

_Yes, well, we're short staffed and doubling as it is… and best of all, you can change shape!_

"But—Nooooooo!"

_Deep within the misty mountains he took it, and it granted him unnatural long life. There the Ring waited, for the call that would tell it that it was needed once again. _

_And when the time came, it abandoned Envy. But something happened that it did not expect. _

_By chance it was discovered by a hobbit: Pinako Rockbelle._

"Grandma!"

"Well. That's… weird."

_And so the Ring came to a peaceful land called the Shire, in the hands of Pinako Rockbelle. And there it waited again, for the time when another one would take up the ring and its burdens, for in time the fate of mankind would rest in the hands of a hobbit named Edward Elric._

"Uh-oh."

"Oh no! Take it back, quickly!"

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO SHORT EVEN A HOBBIT COULD SQUASH HIM FLAT?"

_Yes, this will be an interesting story indeed. _

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Thank you for reading!


	2. Concerning Alchemists

_Greetings. Here I am with the first full chapter. Thank you very much, those who have reviewed and faved/subscribed :D Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own the words of Fullmetal Alchemist or Lord of the Rings in anyway. Just this wacky storyline._

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Chapter One: Concerning Alchemists; or, the Long Expected Party

Sunlight shone broadly over the wide, green land known as the Shire. A clear blue sky stretched endlessly above without a cloud in sight, and everyone agreed that it was the perfect day for a long expected party. For on this very day was the eleventy-first birthday of Pinako Rockbell, the wealthy hobbit that lived in the much admired Rock End under the biggest hill in Hobbiton. Actually, they all secretly thought that she was rather eccentric, as she was the only one in the entire Shire who was an automail mechanic. Quite strange for a Rockbell, for past relatives had always been seen as quiet and respectable.

But now, the whole family just seemed strange… especially concerning the individuals who lived with her, the two brothers named Edward and Alphonse Elric. Nothing set the hobbits of Hobbiton abuzz more than the Elric brothers. If Pinako herself was strange, then compared to her, they were quite bizarre. The older brother, Edward, wore a long, red coat at all times, along with a pair of gloves he never seemed to take off, and practiced Alchemy. _Alchemy_, of all things, the most suspicious and unrespectable job out there. So he was usually avoided… and those who tried to strike up some sort of contact were soon put off by his blunt, scientific attitude and dedication to his work.

There were also incidents where some accidentally let slip that he was rather a little guy, and were very quickly terrified by his rage. Any kind of word related to 'small' was taboo around the oldest Elric brother… Meanwhile, the younger brother was nowhere near as bad as his brother. He, too, practiced Alchemy, but always kept it to himself and was perfectly polite towards his fellow hobbits. He was the one who always ended up apologizing for his brother. The strange thing about him, though, was the fact that he was always enclosed in a heavy suit of armor. No one knew how he managed it, and he never seemed to take it off. When the clanking footsteps and an echoing voice were heard before seen, everyone knew it had to be Alphonse Elric.

And so, the whole strange ensemble lived there in Rock End, carrying out their business and pretty much defying the norm of the Shire without really giving a hoot. It was at this moment that the small, pointy-ponytail haired old lady named Pinako was sitting at a desk in a room filled with random odds and ends, and partially finished automail arms and legs. Not to mention mountains of books and papers. Pinako was busily scribbling in small, messy script across the page of a leather bound book. She muttered to herself as she went, not caring if some of the ink smudged here and there, or when a random arm suddenly fell free from its pegs and crashed behind her, scattering bits of random metal and screws everywhere. No, it was the doorbell, followed by very loud rapping throughout the hobbit hole that made her blink and look up irritably.

"Edward! Get the door, I'm busy."

The insistent knocking continued. Pinako slammed her pen down and swiveled in her chair, as she shouted again.

"Edward! Get the door!"

Where there was no answer, the old hobbit grumbled to herself and pattered off, muttering, "Where in the world has that boy gone?"

_~LOTA~LOTA~LOTA~LOTA~_

In the middle of a copse of trees, a golden-haired youth sat cross-legged in the shade, while like-colored eyes stared intently at the contents of a small book in one hand. The other scribbled complex math equations on a pad of paper. This youth was, in fact, Edward Elric, taking advantage of party preparations to slip away and work on more important things (in his opinion). A few silent minutes passed this way, aside from the occasional bird call in the warm summer air. Until, in the middle of scribbling another formula, he froze, and golden eyes looked up in startled concentration as Edward listened. The sound of someone singing was slowly weaving through the trees, followed by the creaking of a wooden cart, and the _clip-clop _of a horse's hooves. Book and equation covered notepad were very quickly abandoned as Edward leapt to his feet and rushed away towards the source of the noise, blond braid swinging behind him.

Through the trees rose a sudden ledge overlooking a well traveled dirt road, and up this road rolled a very weathered looking cart, filled to the brim with paper wrapped cylinders in a bed of straw. An equally weathered looking horse, head swinging low yet looking perfectly content with itself, swayed along at an easy pace, while its driver hummed the tune to a long forgotten song. He was clad in dull grey robes, while the brim of a floppy pointed had shadowed his face, hiding it from view. The thing was, he was actually looking quite stealthily up at the jutting ledge, quite eager as to what was to happen. Sure enough, the furious rustling of grass and ferns was followed by the bursting of Edward Elric from the tree line. Wayward strands of golden hair stuck up haphazardly (not as much as one long strand dubbed 'the antenna') and his face was bright red from reckless running. Golden eyes locked onto the grey-clad figure, his lungs drew in air, and then—

"What the _hell_ are you doing here!" Edward screeched, jabbing an accusing finger in utter disdain. The cart came to a slow stop. The brim of the hat rose…

"Why must you always greet me like this, Edward?" Van Hoenheim, also known as the Grey Alchemist, asked in utter despair, shoulders dropping in defeat as the boy huffed and puffed from his outburst.

"Because! I mean— you were a _terrible_ excuse for— just what are you doing _here?_"

"I can't miss out on an old friend's birthday, can I?" Hoenheim sigh, "You know, I'm very disappointed in you. According to the original script, you were supposed to joyfully jump into my arms…"

"Not in a million years!"

"Can I at least give you a ride then?"

"_NO! _Well… Actually, I guess you could…"

"Oh! There's still hope! Come, we can have some father-son bonding time!"

"No. We won't."

And so, a grudging Edward found himself seated firmly next to a now very happy Hoenheim as they set off on the dusty road to Hobbit ion. The only problem was, it was in absolute silence for the first few minutes, as grumpy Ed refused to make eye contact. Inevitably, it was he who finally spoke first.

"Why are you wearing that stupid pointy hat?" he asked, turning to stare at the hat in question. "Actually, I bet you could have gotten away with wearing your normal outfit like me."

"I rather like it," the large man said cheerfully, "Not to mention the robes are actually quite comfortable."

"You didn't get the staff, though."

"No, it seemed a little silly. After all, I don't need a channel for my alchemical power. You stayed with your clothes, I see."

"You couldn't get me into that hobbit clothing for all the gold in the world! Do you know how uncomfortable that stuff is? Itchy, too! Plus it's kinda easier to cover up, well, my arm with my own jacket." Hoenheim nodded in understanding, glancing down at the red sleeve that hid an automail arm from view. It saddened him, thinking of the horrible accident that had given him it… Sigh… Trisha…

The silence returned again, but it wasn't so awkward. Edward took his time to look around now, as the Grey Alchemist began humming again. Dwellings were beginning to pop up here and there, with quaint little gardens bursting with wildflowers. It was late afternoon now, as sunlight illuminated the gently rolling hills of the Shire. Emerald grasses glowed with the light, waving in time to the soft breeze. In the distance were a few Hobbit farmers, lugging carts filled with produce, no doubt for the upcoming party in Pinako's name. There was nothing a Hobbit liked more than a good party. Far away, a group of Hobbit children had noticed the arrival of their favorite Alchemist, and now ran over the hills towards them in excitement, waving their arms and calling the Alchemist's name. Unconsciously Edward was relaxing again, and the young alchemist allowed a smile on his face. Hoeheim noticed this, and taking advantage of the warm afternoon-drenched atmosphere, he turned to speak to his son.

"So, tell me, how are party preparations going?"

Instantly Edward moaned.

"Don't remind me," he muttered. "I swear, Pinako invites half the Shire, and everyone else is showing up anyway! It's crazy! I spent hours transmuting all sorts of things, and Pinako keeps badgering me to take care of errands for her, crazy old hag…"

A few miles away, Pinako sneeze. "Damn shorty called me a hag again…"

Edward was struck with the prickling feeling that someone was calling him short again, and puffed in instant defense. Meanwhile, Hoenheim was laughing.

"That sounds like her, alright," he chuckled. "She always did like a good bang up ever since I met her."

"Yeah, thanks to you. Apparently the Rockbells were pretty well respected around here until you showed up."

"If you're talking about that incident with the Chimera, I was barely involved."

"Yeah," Edward snorted, "I'm sure."

"No, really, I had nothing to do with it. You have no idea what Pinako was like in her youth."

Hoeheim cringed, recalling the sudden memory of a young woman wielding a wrench that dripped ominously in blood, while she laughed manically. The man shivered in terror, as his glasses slipped down a sweat covered nose.

"But besides that, I dunno…" Edward continued on, oblivious to Hoenheim cowering beside him, "Granny Pinako's been acting kind of… strange."

That gained the other's attention.

"Strange?" he echoed, and Edward nodded.  
"Yeah. Strange. She's been staying up late a lot, lately. Going over old maps. Talking to herself. And she's always fingering at a pocket of hers." As he spoke, Hoenheim's eyes narrowed in quiet thought. That didn't sound good… not good at all.

"I think she's planning something," Edward finished. He glanced over sideways, suspicion apparent.

"_You_ know something about it, don't you?" he demanded, and Hoenheim jumped.

"What? No, _er_, of course not, how could we be planning something if I haven't seen her for years?" he stuttered quite unconvincingly, and Edward rolled his eyes.

"You suck at lying."

"L-lying? Of _course_ I'm not—"

"Yeah, whatever. Keep your secrets, see if I care."

The youth folded his arms and looked away in a pout, while Hoeheim mentally sigh in relief. At that moment the small crowd of children who had been dogging them across the hills burst into the road behind him. Their cheering filled the air as the pair of them looked back in surprise.

"Hoenheim! Hoenheim! Show us your fireworks!" they chanted, squealing in excitement and pushing over each other in their haste. Edward chuckled, while Hoenheim merely smiled. The cart however, kept rolling on, and the disappointed children fell behind, murmuring in sadness. Only Edward saw the concentration on Hoenheim's face, and seconds later the bright sparks of alchemy burst into light. Very promptly the air was filled with glittering, fizzling birds that soared directly above the small crowd. Screams of delight followed, as the children leapt after them. Nearby an old Hobbit guffawed heartily, before realizing that his wife was glaring at him.

Edward rolled his eyes, but was unable to hide his amusement himself.

"You old softy."

_~LOTA~LOTA~LOTA~LOTA~_

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_:D Thank you for reading!_


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